


Marionettes and Harlequins

by JenicaKing



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Abusive Joker (DCU), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Harleen Quinzel, Bruce is concerned, Dick Grayson is Not Robin, Dick Raised by Harley, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Gen, Harleen Quinzel Needs a Hug, Harley Tries to be a good parent, Harley and Bruce were friends in undergrad, Harley knows who Batman is, Parent Harleen Quinzel, Protective Harleen Quinzel, Riddler is a good friend, maybe more i'll see who shows up, so is Ivy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-23 02:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23504386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenicaKing/pseuds/JenicaKing
Summary: Doctor Quinzel wanted to help people.Miss Quinn took whatever she wanted.Now Harley had a traumatized eight year old she’d stolen from the back of a social worker’s car and no plan for how she was going to explain this to Joker.What if Dick Grayson was taken in by Harley instead of Bruce. Gotham's clown counter ticks up to three and Harley does her best to do right by this little sunshine child.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Harleen Quinzel, Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 89
Kudos: 241





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Ringleader](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23421925) by [AplusIsRoman](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AplusIsRoman/pseuds/AplusIsRoman). 



> I'm actually posting something, incredible.  
> This is gonna be my personal mishmash of my favoured characterisations. So Harley is a lot like Margot Robbie's version, Joker is a Mark Hamill Variant, that sort of thing. This was inspired by AplusIsRoman's Children Of The Dark AU, so go Check That Out it's really good.

Doctor Quinzel wanted to help people. She'd always wanted to help people. That was _why_ she'd gone into psychology to begin with. To help. Miss Quinn took whatever she wanted. If she saw something she wanted she was confident she could just take it with little to no consequence. It made life a lot more fun. Except now Harley had a traumatized eight year old she’d stolen from the back of a social worker’s car and no plan for how she was going to explain this to Joker.

It had seemed like a great plan, an hour ago when she'd slipped the kid away from that self important suit. And she'd done due diligence and checked where the broad was taking him even. To juvie, evidently, because nowhere else had the room for an orphaned kid of probably immigrant circus performers no matter how high profile their gruesome demise – that he'd _seen_ – had been. And a Gotham juvie was gonna be hell for a frightened little too-brown-for-racists'-comfort eight year old kid. So she'd taken him out of the car when no one was looking and booked it.

She glanced at him, curled up in the front passenger seat of the sedan she'd stolen to drive home. He was pretty cute, soft brown curls and huge sparkly blue eyes. She shot him a small smile, “Hey, there, kiddo. It’s Richard, right?” She asked gently.

He eyed her warily, “Dick. My name’s Dick.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, snorted softly, “If you’re sure kid.”

“Why bother with false advertising,” he shrugged. There was a defiance, a snark, a sense of humour, hidden under the nervousness and deliberate smallness. She wished it was stronger.

She barked out a laugh, “You got a point there, Dickybird. I’ll tell you what, everything going on right now? It's gonna be fine. You'll see.”

He looked at her, “You mean my parents murder? Or you kidnapping me?” So her laugh had emboldened him a bit. Good.

Harley made a faux offended noise, “It ain't kidnapping. Not from social services. It's liberating.”

“What's your name?”

Right, he wasn't local, probably didn't get into Gotham news with all that international touring. “Harley. Harley Quinn.” She stuck a hand out and he shook it.

“The lady clown.”

“Yuh-huh.”

He hummed, “You're a bad guy.”

“Yeah,” she admitted. “But no one's gonna hurt you, don't worry. I'm gonna look after you. You've been through trauma, and the city was gonna put you through more, so I took you instead.”

“That still sounds like kidnapping.” That… almost sounded like teasing. She scowled at him playfully and he smiled. “Say. You’re a bad guy, could you find other bad guys?”

Harley raised an eyebrow, “Usually. Why? You got someone in mind, Dickybird?”

“Tony Zucco. He killed my parents.” When she looked at him, the little blue sparkle in his eyes was gone, he just looked angry and grief-stricken.

“You sound pretty sure about that.”

“He threatened mister Haly the day of the show. Said if he didn't pay up there'd be an accident. He murdered them.” He was seething. So small, so hurt, so helpless. Doctor Quinzel wanted to help.

Harley grinned dangerously, “Well. That's just plain not allowed. We’ll have to _do something_ about him, won't we, Dickybird?”

Some of the rage and hurt settled back into him as he smiled at her in return, nodding resolutely.

***

“Harley...” Dick was peering around Harley’s legs at Joker, who was standing, arms crossed and sceptical. “What the fuck is this?”

“It's that kid from the circus, Mister J,” she said grinning. Dick was enough of a performer to tell she was playing a part. And playing it well, to boot. “Remember we watch a bunch of old performances and you said he was pretty talented for a kid!”

He looked at her like she'd grown a second head. “Yeah but that didn't mean I wanted you to go steal him, Harley! What do we do with him now?!”

Harley’s grin dropped into a pout. “Well I thought we could keep him. Y'know, maybe expand the act?”

Joker looked apoplectic, “expand the act?! Why I-"

“What kind of clown are you?” He interrupted Joker’s half raised fist, stepping out from behind Harley and trying to ignore the fact he was shaking.

The man cocked his head to one side, “Excuse me?”

He fidgeted with his sleeve, glanced at Harley who was looking incredibly alarmed. “I... I mean- what sort of clown are you? Obviously some kind of white face, but what kind? Your makeup says classic but that clashes with a lot of your actions and the suit implies a gangster character but there's no real element of that in your performance, so... what are you?” He finished lamely, realising that he'd critiqued a mass murderer one his clowning.

Joker arched an eyebrow, surveying his still shaking self coldly. “HA!” He broke out into a huge grin. He bent over, putting his face right next to Dick's, “I like your moxie, kid. Harley!” He shouted, straightening.

“Yes, Puddin'?” She chirped, nervous.

“We're keeping him! Find out what he needs and make a list!” He pulled a face, looked at Dick. “You're big enough to not baby proof, right? How old are you?”

“E-eight.”

“Oh you'll be fine,” he waved dismissively. “Ooh I have so many _ideas_!”

Harley took Dick's hand as Joker started gesticulating about his plans for a trio. He looked up at her and she beamed, “Follow me, Kiddo.” She led him through the colourfully painted boxes and crates, instructing him to step over certain things that he assumed were booby traps for Batman. She brought him to a small room painted like a fun house. “Here we go, Dickybird. We’ll just...” She pushed a couple of crates outside, “Get rid of those, bring in a bed, it'll be great!” She put her hands on her hips.

Dick stared at her, “You had no plan for that did you?”

She blinked at him, “Admittedly, no. But he likes you, so it's fine.”

He was shaking again. He'd critiqued the Joker's clowning and had been fine. But that had been a spur of the moment accident. Harley has brought him here with no idea about what to do next. “If he hadn't? What then? He kills me?”

Harley softened, crouched down in front of him, “Hey, we'd have dealt with it, okay? I told you. No one's gonna hurt you.” She smoothed his hair down and he sniffled, “Oh, baby. Come here.” She pulled him into a hug and he started crying. “It's okay Dickybird. You've had a big fucking day. But you're good now. You're with us, and Joker likes your moxie,” she waggled her eyebrows, smiling. “You've got nothing to worry about.” She booped his nose.

He scrubbed at his face, “You guys are murderers.” He mumbled, not a question or an accusation. Just a statement.

Harley tipped her head to one side, “We are. But you're ours now, so you're fine.” There was something about how she said ours. It felt different to Joker’s proclamation that they were ‘keeping him.’ Less like he was a pet, more like our people. She wiped at his cheeks, “Come on now, we’ve gotta figure out what stuff we've gotta get for you. Smiles now, no one likes a sad clown.”

“I'm an acrobat.” He pointed out, but scrubbed at his face to try and clean it up.

Harley chuckled, “You can be both, Dickybird. Ain't that a kind of clown?”

“Yeah. A harlequin.” He smiled shyly.

She grinned, “Well there you go!” She booped his nose again, “But we’ll have to think of a different stage name for you. Can't have you stealing my thunder.”

He giggled despite himself and she ruffled his hair.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, sorry folks, this was meant to come out a while ago but... she got l o n g. Wildly inconsistent chapter lengths may abound from here.

The things Dick needed ended up taking a while to wrangle. Partly because Harley hadn't thought to grab his trash bag of things from the trunk of the social worker’s car and it took a few days to find them. She was surprised they still existed to find, honestly, but apparently this particular traumatised orphan had caught the attention of Gotham favourite traumatised orphan and Brucie Wayne was putting the pressure in the authorities to find him. So his stuff was safe in the evidence lock up of Batman's favourite precinct. Where it was very easy to steal back.

She was sure Batman wouldn’t begrudge a grieving child his belongings.

Dick had brightened immeasurably when she'd given him the bag and Harley decided she'd probably give this kid the moon if it made him smile like that. It'd been a while since she'd seem a smile that wasn't sardonic or manic.

The next thing they'd gotten was his bed. Before it arrived he'd taken to sleeping in Harley's bed. The one in the room that was separate from Joker's. Which was a good idea, every couple needs a break from each other. Either way it was a good solution for where Dick could sleep until his room was set up. Although she noticed that even when his room was finished, more often than not Dick would knock on her door in the middle of the night.

The last, and coolest, Dick insisted, new addition was a bunch of aerial and trapeze equipment. He spent so much time on it, wheeling around the top of the lair, shouting out to make sure she was looking.

Even Joker was enjoying the brightness Dick brought. Calling out compliments when he finished a trick. It made her feel better about bringing Dick into their little world. Seeing Joker ruffle his hair and tell him how talented he was, it made her feel like they could be a family.

But all families have teething problems.

“Harley~! Get dressed! We're going out!”

Harley looked around from doing gymnastics with Dick. “Whazzat Puddin'?”

Joker brushed imaginary dirt of his suit, “We're going out to Roman’s. Get dressed.”

She lit up; it _had_ been a while since they'd had a date night. But, “What about the kiddo? He's too little to leave by himself.”

Joker pulled a face, “He'll be fine. Come on.”

She frowned, “We should get a sitter. I'll call Ivy, she's on the way, we can drop him off.”

“Eugh, absolutely not. No Ivy. She's a bad enough influence on you. Never mind the kid.” He shook his head.

Harley pursed her lips, but didn't verbally disagree. “What about Eddie? You like Eddie.”

Joker pulled another face, “I don't _like_ Nygma. No one _likes_ Nygma.”

“You know what I mean, Puddin'.”

He rolled his eyes, “Fine, fine. But call him while you get ready. I want to get moving.”

She nodded and headed for her room, Dick trailing after her. She pulled her phone out and swiped at Eddie's name. “Eddie~!”

“Harley...” Eddie's voice was wary, “What can I do for you?”

She ruffled Dick's hair as she opened her door, “I need a favour.”

“Oh god- Harl-"

“Relax, Eddie! I just need you to babysit,” she hummed, putting him on speaker as she moved to her closet, rifling through dresses.

Eddie made some kind of noise on the other end of the phone and she winced. “Babysit?! Babysit _who_ Harley?!”

“My kid, genius.” She pulled a face at Dick and he giggled.

“I'm sorry, what? Harley I saw you like two months ago; you don't have a kid.”

She rolled her eyes, held a dress up in front of her to show Dick, who wrinkled his nose and shook his head. Looking at the dress again she agreed and put it back. “I didn't, two months ago. But I do, now. Say hi Dickybird.”

“Hi Dickybird.” Dick sang. Harley threw a top at him good naturedly and he laughed.

“Harley!” Eddie whined, “Whose kid is that?”

Harley held up a different dress and Dick gave her a thumbs up. She winked. “He's that baby acrobat. Social services was gonna send him to juvie!”

“What the fuck Harley! Half the city is looking for that kid!”

She scoffed, smoothed Dick's hair down, “Help me pick out some jewellery, Dickybird?” He nodded and went to the jewellery box while she changed into the short, shimmery affair. “No they ain't, Eddie. It's like a quarter, tops. Look, me and Joker are going out to Romy's and I need you to watch him for a few hours. It ain't rocket surgery, just make sure he eats something for dinner,” She sat at her little vanity, adjusting the neckline idly.

“Why do I get the feeling I'm being railroaded, Harley?”

She laughed, “Cause you are~” Dick came over with two pairs of earrings and she chose the left ones, “Thank you, baby~ So can I drop him off at yours on the way to Romy's?”

Eddie sighed, “It's not like I have a choice, is it? I'll see you when you get here.”

Harley squealed, “Thanks Eddie, you're the best! Mwah~”

“Yeah, yeah. You owe me. Bye.”

“Bye~” she hung up and tossed her phone on the bed. “These were a good pick for earrings, Dickybird.”

“Can't I come with you?” He pouted. Harley smoothed down this hair sympathetically, poor thing had separation anxiety. Understandably, considering.

“Sorry baby, Romy's place is a club, no kids allowed.” She turned to the mirror, trying to quickly sort her hair into something flirty. “I’d bring you if I could.”

“Can't we all just stay home?” He wrapped himself around her arm and she disentangled him gently.

“Didn't your mom and dad ever have date nights, sweetie?” She asked gently.

He looked put out, “Yeah.”

“And you hung out with someone else on those nights?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled, “This is just that. We’ll drop you at Eddie's, don't worry, you'll love him, then in a few hours we’ll pick you up on the way home, okay? It's just a few hours.”

He sighed, “Okay, Harley.”

She finished fidgeting with her hair and smiled taking his hand, “That’s the spirit baby. Let’s go.”

***

They dropped Dick off at Eddie’s with about half a dozen thank yous and a promise from the kid to be good that she was sure was at best half-hearted. Joker rolled his eyes at her good naturedly and called her a doting mother and she’d playfully rebutted with something about how cute he was and wanting the best for _their_ little angel and Joker made an amused noise and continued on their way to the Black Mask Club.

Roman was about as pleased to see them as he ever was, which of course meant that he wasn’t, because he hated them both but it's not like he could touch them. So he was a gracious and charming host, making sure that Joker and his girl were happy. And they were. Joker was enjoying himself and Harley was floating on air about it.

Until she got a text from Eddie that just said _Call me_. That was something of a mood ruiner. She kissed Joker's cheek, saying something about the little girl’s room before trying her best not to hurry to the bathroom. She called Eddie as soon as she got there.

“Don't kill me.”

She felt her eyes bug out, “What the fuck kind of way to answer the phone is that?! Where's Dick? Is he okay? I swear to god Eddie-"

“Would you let me speak? Jesus, Harley.”

“Where. Is. Dick?”

“Gone?”

“Nygma!” Harley all but screeched into the phone.

“Hey! You didn't tell me he was fucking Houdini!” Eddie shouted back. “I went to the kitchen for ten seconds Harl! When I came back he was gone!”

“He's eight, Eddie! He can't have gotten that far!”

“Well...” his voice went high.

Harley squared her shoulders, “What?”

She could practically see him fidgeting on the other side of the line, “Depends on if he's in an uber.”

Her eyes went wide, “Eddie, is he in an uber?”

“I think so. He booked one from my phone anyway.”

Harley was trying very hard to control her breathing, “And where is he going?”

“The Black Mask club?”

A small hysterical laugh escaped her, “He's coming here. Okay okay okay.” She straightened, “Eddie, you are going to get your scrawny ass over here ASAP, you get me? Or I'm gonna use your small intestine for a new set of suspenders, _got it_?”

“Got it, Harley. ASAP.” He hung up.

Harley took a few long deep breaths before fixing her hair from where she’d knocked it while talking to Eddie. Once it was safely in place she fixed a smile and left the bathroom. Almost immediately running into Roman outside.

“Harley~ I trust everything’s alright?” He smiled, forced.

She shot an irritated smile back at him, “Everything’s great, Romy. Stellar service as always. If I could just-” She pushed past him, “Thanks.”

“I’d hate for anything to spoil the night!” He called after her.

“Wouldn’t we all~!” She shouted back. She detoured to the bar to get another round, and a double she could chuck back before she got to the table. She had to figure out what she was going to do now. Dick was probably halfway here by now, knowing Eddie, and intercepting him was probably highly unlikely. There was a small chance that the uber driver would refuse to take an eight year old to Roman Sionis’ club but… anyone that willingly picks up a ride from Eddie Nygma’s account is probably not gonna care.

So that meant one of two things could happen once Dick arrived. Either he’d get immediately intercepted by Roman’s bouncers and would be stuck outside until Eddie arrived and could take him back to his place. No muss, no fuss, no Joker finding out. An excellent outcome. Or. Dick would find a way in, past Roman’s people and well… once her little Dickybird was inside there was no way he wasn’t making himself known. Lots of muss, lots of fuss and Joker definitely finding out. Less excellent outcome.

The bartender put the three drinks in front of her and she chucked back her double shot of- oh god whatever liquor she’d ordered. Knowing her luck, he’d definitely make it inside. Fuck. She should’ve asked if Eddie knew _why_ he was coming. She smiled at the bartender as she picked up her drinks and went to find Joker.

“Everything alright, Harley?” he asked, curling an arm around her.

She kissed his cheek, “Course mister J~”

She managed about ten more minutes of poorly pretending everything was fine. Of trying and failing to curb nervous fidgeting and glancing towards the door and she knew it was getting on Joker's nerves. Eventually he sent her to get another round. Which she did, and she tried very hard not to drop them when she came back to the table and saw Dick sitting next to Joker, munching on pretzels they must have stolen from another table. Joker smiled at her, wide and predatory, “Harley~ look who I found~”

“Technically, I found you.” Dick said between pretzels and Joker chuckled.

Harley giggled nervously, setting the drinks down. Joker gestured to the other side of the kid and she sat down there, “Hey Kiddo. You are supposed to be at Eddie's.”

“Yeah, but Mister Eddie’s boring.”

Joker barked a laugh, “You can say that again, kid.”

Dick grinned. Harley opened her mouth again but before she could speak, Roman appeared. “Joker! Harley! I hate to be a spoilsport, but this _is_ a night club, and therefore an adults only establishment.” He said eyes coming to rest on the eight year old boy sitting between them.

Harley took a long sip of her drink.

Joker frowned, “Come on, Roman, we can't kick him out yet, we don’t know why he's here!” he turned to Dick without waiting for whatever Roman’s stuttered reply would be. “Why are you here, kid?”

“Cause Mister Romy’s in organised crime.” He said simply.

Joker snorted at the name, or at Roman turning slightly red at the name.

“Why's that brought you here though, baby?” Harley prompted.

“Oh, I figured he might know Tony Zucco.”

The realisation must have sparked on her face because Joker raised an eyebrow at her, “Tony Zucco?”

“He killed my parents.” Dick seethed and oh. _Oh_. Harley had promised they'd deal with that hadn't she? Fuck she'd been so caught up in having him around she'd forgotten.

Joker tipped his head to the side, studying the way the normally happy child had slipped into fury. He looked at Roman, “Well, let's see what mister Romy knows about Tony Zucco.”

His smile was even more forced than usual, “Zucco's nobody, Joker. He runs protection rackets, one step up from loan shark. Small time.”

Dick bristled and Harley pulled him into her side.

“He killed my boy’s parents,” Joker said calmly. There was a little twinge in Harley’s gut when he said ‘my’. Like Dicky was an object, but it was better than ambivalence. From Joker anyway.

Roman smiled again, “Tell you what, I'll see what I can find on where he is and what he's up to. For you, in return for your valued patronage.” Joker smirked and he continued, “Wonderful. Unfortunately, the little one can't stay here though.”

“Harley?”

She checked her phone, “Eddie’s probably following him, he should be here soon. I'll wait with him~ We need to have a talk about what being good means.” She narrowed her eyes and Dick shuffled.

Joker smiled widely, “Let’s wait here. Roman’s people can let us know when Nygma gets here. There’s no reason to stand outside in all that cold. Right, Roman?”

“Why not? As long as Nygma’s on his way,” He was not doing a very good job of hiding how furious he was.

“Excellent! And Roman, get the kid a coke, would you? Wouldn’t want him to feel left out.” He faux pouted.

“Of course,” he smiled thinly, clicked at someone who hurriedly placed a glass of coke in his impatient hand. He placed it on the table, “There.”

Dick grinned at him, “Thanks mister Romy.”

He smiled stiffly and vanished.

Joker took a long sip of his drink, “So how’d you even get here, kid?”

“I used mister Eddie’s phone to book an uber.” He said simply.

Joker started laughing, “An uber? An uber brought a tiny kid to Black Mask’s night club, no questions asked? _Fuck_ I love this city!”

Dick smiled at the seemingly positive reaction.

Harley smoothed his hair down, “Next time, stay at Eddie’s though, baby, yeah? Cause date night, remember?” She poked his shoulder playfully.

He looked sheepish, “Okay, Harley.” A few beats, “What if he’s super boring again?”

Joker pulled a considering face at her over his head.

She sighed, “Then you reorganise his bookshelf and time how long until he notices. Once he does you got at least an hour of free entertainment,” She grinned. Dick laughed and Joker snorted into his glass.

It wasn’t long before Eddie was hurried over to their table by one of the bouncers. Only about ten minutes of Dick chattering happily to them while Harley answered and engaged and Joker looked around the club, enjoying the confusion of the patrons as more and more of them noticed that the Joker had a _child_ sitting next to him, apparently completely unafraid. He smirked at them and silently dared them to do anything other than stare.

Eddie looked harried and like he’d definitely had a panic attack on his way over. “Joker, Harley, so sorry about this.”

“Nygma, this is whole new level of useless. How’d you lose an eight year old?” Joker asked, incredulous.

“He’s not exactly a normal kid, Joker.” He said flatly.

“He’s eight!”

“I literally walked out the door, mister Eddie. I didn’t even climb!”

“Normal kids don’t deliberately go to find mobsters, kid!” Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose.

Dick poked his tongue out.

“Boys! Dicky, go with Eddie. _Stay_ there until we come get you, okay?” Harley said, waiting until Dick nodded reluctantly before turning to Eddie, “And you. Actually watch the kid, would you? He gets antsy.”

“Thanks for the warning, Harl.” He raised an eyebrow.

Dick stood on his chair, hugged Harley, grinned when Joker ruffled his hair and flipped into a handstand on the table. He walked across it before flipping back onto his feet, landing next to Eddie. “Bye Harley, Bye Mister J.”

Joker waved at him lazily and Harley blew a kiss. “See you soon, sweetie.”

They vanished, hurried by the bouncer, and Harley squeaked as Joker pulled her into his side, “I’ll admit, watching Roman was fun, Harley. But that isn’t happening again.” He squeezed her shoulder sharply.

She kissed his jaw, “Course not, Puddin’.”


	3. Chapter 3

Dick really wanted to bring up Tony Zucco again. It had been ages since he’d followed Harley and Joker to the club but no one had told him anything yet. It wasn’t like nothing was happening, either. Joker and Harley had gone on two separate heists since the club. Leaving Dick behind, both times. The first time, they’d hired a normal babysitter who’d been absolutely terrified the entire time. He’d found it irritating. Joker and Harley weren’t that scary, really. Well… Joker was sometimes. When he got very hot or very cold. And when he heard him yelling at Harley. But he was out while the babysitter was there. It was just the two of them and she still spent the entire time jumping at shadows. And she wouldn’t let him on the trapeze at all.

The second time Harley just made Eddie come over and that was slightly better. Eddie brought a bunch of games and riddles with him to try and keep Dick engaged and not chasing after Harley. He _also_ wouldn’t let him on the trapeze though. Citing the fact that if Dick got hurt, Harley would skin him alive. Dick appreciated his honesty, if not his unwillingness to listen to his argument that he wasn’t going to get hurt because he’d been doing this his whole life.

Eddie had looked like he’d wanted to say something in response to that but had deflated when he met Dick’s eyes and set up a game board instead.

He’d asked Eddie about Zucco and why Joker hadn’t said anything yet but he’d just shrugged, “Joker’s mercurial like that. He drops things for new ones all the time. Sometimes he goes back to them later. Don’t bring it up though. He’s contrary as fuck, and he might never do anything about it on principle.”

Dick figured that it wasn't surprising that Eddie wasn’t any help. But he was more fun this time, and he didn't talk down to him. Neither did Harley or Joker. Well Joker did but no more than he talked down to everyone, so Dick didn't count it. The other baby sitter didn't talk down to him, but she also didn't really talk.

It was frustrating that no one was telling him. He asked Harley, but she just smoothed his hair down, “Mister J knows about it now, Dickybird, we just have to be patient.”

“But _when_?” he all but whined, “It's been ages. Months even.”

She crouched in front of him, “I know it's hard. But I promise-"

“Mister Eddie says that sometimes Joker just drops stuff. And that he only sometimes goes back to it. What if-" he scrubbed at his face. His eyes were prickling, and he hated it. “My parents were good. They didn't- He deserves to die. They deserve justice. Everyone’s probably already forgotten them and he’s still just _out there_! He killed them! He took everything from me! My parents my home _everything_! It’s not fair!” He was crying properly now. Hot furious tears that he scrubbed away as soon as they reached his cheeks.

Harley looked at him with soft, sad eyes. “Oh sweetie…” She pulled him into a hug, ignoring his attempts to fight her. “It’s not fair. It’s bullshit. But I promise, we’ll get him. If Joker doesn’t go back to it, then you and me will handle it on our own, okay? I’m not gonna let the fuck that murdered your parents get away. I promise.” She stroked his hair softly and he sagged against her.

“What if- what if they can’t rest cause he’s still out there?” He said softly. He didn’t know if he believed in ghosts, or heaven. Not really, but it still bothered him to think that his parents could be like the restless spirits he remembered from the ghost stories that the other performers at Haly’s told when it was late and he was meant to be in bed. Destined to wander forever, denied justice and peace. “What if-”

“Don’t you worry about that. Because he won’t be out there forever, okay?” She kissed his hair.

He made a soft frustrated noise, “But it’s been so long. It’s probably almost my birthday and-”

“When’s your birthday, sweetheart?” Harley asked, brushing his hair back from his eyes so he could see her face.

“November eleventh.” He said glumly.

Her eyes lit up, and she smiled conspiratorially, “Eleven eleven. Auspicious.” He pulled a face at her and her smile softened, “And yeah, a couple of weeks away. But, a) we’re still operating faster than any official channels, and b) if Mister J hasn’t brought Zucco up again by your birthday, you and I will deal with it ourselves. Okay? How’s that for a hard deadline?” She booped his nose and he looked at her sceptically.

“You swear?”

“Cross my heart.” She nodded, doing the motion.

He fidgeted. “Okay. Deal.”

Harley grinned and kissed the top of his head as she stood. “Perfect. Wanna do some gym stuff?”

He smiled weakly, “Yeah.”

***

Dick was fooling around on his acrobatics equipment. Harley was off doing a thing for Joker and he was bored. He knew he wasn’t supposed to practice on his own. His parents always said that you shouldn’t practice without a spotter. But he figured he wasn’t doing anything super dangerous so it would be fine.

“Hey, Kiddo!” Joker called, wandering over.

Dick flipped off the block he was standing on, “Yeah Mister J?”

Joker smiled at him, “How about you and me spend some time together while Harley’s out, hmm?” He rested a hand on his hair.

He blinked. Joker hadn’t ever suggested anything like that. He only ever seemed vaguely interested in Dick at best. He knew Harley wanted them to be closer, but it wasn’t something he’d ever expected to come up with Joker. He was always on another level from Harley and unapproachable. He smiled, “Yeah, okay!”

Joker scrunched up his nose in approval, and his hand slid to Dick’s shoulder, spinning him so they were walking in the same direction. “Fantastic. We need to have a chat about some things.” He said, Dick watched him as they walked, towards their collection of stolen cars. It was a constantly changing collection but it never seemed to really grow in size, Harley or Joker just replacing the cars they wrecked on hijinks with whatever was handy. Joker opened the door of a fairly inconspicuous sedan and gestured for Dick to get in. When he did Joker circled the car to get in the driver’s side and turned to him before he started the thing. “Are you happy here, Dick?”

Dick was suddenly very nervous. Joker had never, in all the time he’d been there ever called him by name. Not even a derivative or nickname of it like Harley calling him Dickybird. He only ever called him kid or kiddo at his most familiar. His stomach felt like lead and looking at Joker’s unusually sincere face made him sure that a wrong answer would be the end of him. He swallowed, blinked rapidly. “Yeah. It’s really fun here. You and Harley have been really nice and you got all that trapeze equipment for me and that had to be annoying and-” He looked down at the gear stick. “I really like it here.”

“I’m glad.” Joker smiled softly, he turned the car over and started driving. “You fit quite well with us. You’ve got a sense of humour, you’re clever, those acrobatics of yours match Harley’s, and you can tell that Nygma’s not worth the effort.” Dick giggled and he chuckled. “I was thinking it might be time to bring you into the family proper.”

His eyes widened. “Oh.”

Joker’s eyes slid to him for a moment before turning back to the road, “‘Oh’?”

“N-no I mean-”

“Uh-uh. Out with it.” He said with a gently raised eyebrow.

“It's not you and Harley. You guys are great. I just- I'm- the-" he let out a frustrated huff, “I'm a Flying Grayson. The... the last Flying Grayson and-"

“And you don't like the idea of replacing your parents,” Joker surmised.

Dick looked away, “Yeah.”

“Perfectly normal,” Joker shrugged. Glanced at him, “We wouldn’t be, you know. Replacing them.”

He tipped his head slightly, “What do you mean?”

“I mean having a new family doesn’t invalidate your old one. Not if you don’t want it to.” He said amiably. “You’d still be your parents’ son, you’d just also have Harley and me.”

“I… I guess.” He hummed.

He watched him for a bit, between glancing at the road. Dick was a little surprised at his driving, it was fairly sedate and safe. They were going a little faster than the other cars around but it didn’t feel like a joyride or anything. After a while he spoke again, “Ignoring for a moment the concern about your parents and family line stuff, do you want to be part of the family?”

He bit at his lip, that was it wasn’t it. He knew that Harley and Joker were the bad guys. And Joker could be scary. But Harley was nice and Joker had been pretty nice to him too. It was weird to think about. He was happy here though, even if there was a part of him that felt like he shouldn’t be. He exhaled softly, “Yes. I really like it with you guys. I’m just…”

Joker smiled reassuringly, “Do you think your parents would want you to be happy?”

“Of course they would, they’re my parents.” He frowned.

“Do you think they’d want you to let yourself be unhappy out of a sense of duty to their name?” He asked gently.

Dick fidgeted, “No.”

“Like I said, becoming a part of our family won’t negate your old one. You’ll still be an acrobat and a flying Grayson,” He nudged him, grinning, “You’ll just be a clown as well. So what do you say?”

Dick nodded, smiling slightly, “Yeah.”

Joker beamed, ruffled his hair, “Fantastic! And with impeccable timing, we’re here!” He pulled up, getting out of the car. “Come on!” He grinned.

Dick frowned in confusion when he got out of the car, “Where are we?”

He smiled at him, “We’re at the place where our family was born.” He gestured at the huge red letters that were emblazoned on a huge tank like structure.

“Ace Chemicals?” He asked.

Joker inhaled and sighed happily, “Smells like home.” He put a hand on Dick’s shoulder and guided him inside. When they passed through the door he was hit in the face by a wall of fumes, and he coughed blinking rapidly. Joker squeezed his shoulder, grinning excitedly.

“Aren’t your eyes burning?” Dick asked rubbing at his own.

“Not a whit. Up here.” He led him up to a catwalk over a huge vat of something that swirled and bubbled. He wiped at his watering eyes as Joker peered over the edge. He turned to Dick and gestured to the railing. “Ready?”

Dick flicked wide eyes between Joker and the vat of chemicals, his chest tightening. “You want me to jump.”

The gleam in Joker’s eyes answered the question that hadn’t been one. “You’ll be one of us, for reals.”

“I’ll die!”

A frown flicked across his face before vanishing. “Nonsense,” He smiled reassuringly, picking Dick up under the arms while he was too stunned by the suggestion to fight him and setting him on the railing. “I was fine. Harley was fine. Better even.” He looked at him sadly, “Don’t you want to be a part of the family?” When Dick didn’t answer he sighed softly, “That’s alright. I guess I’ll-”

“No wait.” He glanced over his shoulder at the chemical vat. He wanted to stay with Harley. He wanted to be her family. And to be Joker's. If they were both okay... Joker wanted him to be a part of the act. Of the family. Our he wouldn't have brought him here. He wouldn't kill him. Or he wouldn't have gone to the trouble if he was going to. He squeezed his still burning eyes shut, carefully turned on the railing and swallowed hard. “Here goes.” He launched himself off the thin metal and tucked into a somersault. His best one. The quadruple. He just made all four turns before slamming into the vat.

It burned. Everything burned. The impact shocked him into opening his eyes. It was even worse, and he screamed. He broke the surface of the chemicals, blinking rapidly and coughing harshly. He could hear Joker laughing somewhere above him but he couldn't see past the milky lilac liquid in his eyes. “Joker?” he sputtered, it was hard to stay above the waterline when everything burned. His skin, his muscles, his entire body burned. He spat out the acrid liquid, it was making his voice rough and his throat burn as well. “Joker!”

“I’ll be right down!” Joker called between hoots of laughter. He dipped under the surface again, his limbs aching. He heard something metal move close by and felt the waterline drop. He thought he could hear liquid hitting concrete but he couldn’t tell past his own thrashing to stay afloat. Eventually his feet touched the floor of the vat and he waded in a direction until he hit a wall and leant on it. There was the sound of a rubber seal popping and then stubborn metal giving way. He tried to open his eyes but all he could see was blurred and purple and it made them burn even more. He could hear Joker’s voice mumbling something before a hand landed on his head. He swiped the purple out of his eyes long enough to see Joker grinning wickedly at him. “How do you feel, my little Marionette?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo, just a Heads Up, Joker is an explicitly abusive asshole in this chapter. Not physically, but still. If verbal abuse triggers you, please be careful.

Harley was trying not to get frantic. She'd gotten back from her errands to find the place empty. No Joker. No Dick. There were a few options for what had happened, admittedly, But the only one her brain seemed to approve of was the idea that Joker has left to do something, and Dickybird, realising he was alone, had gone looking for her.

Which would be bad. Because it meant he could be anywhere in the city, pretty much. And Joker would act like he was an escaped pet and tell her she should've kept a better eye on him but Oh Well. Maybe he’d suggest flyers.

She was checking around Dick’s equipment like he was just playing hide and seek and hadn’t completely vanished into thin air and maybe he would just be crouched behind a fucking block like when you tear the living room apart only to find the remote right on top of something obvious, when she heard a car pull in.

“Honey! We're home!” Joker’s voice echoed out and wait- we’re? It hadn’t actually occurred to her that they could be together. Joker just wasn’t interested in spending one-on-one time with Dick.

She stood, plastered an enormous grin on her face. “ _There’s_ my boys! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!” she moved around the box, hurrying over to meet them but she stopped short when Dick got out of the car. It was the smell. Acrid and dizzying and achingly familiar. His clothes, new ones she'd gotten him, with a fake Gotham U graduating date on the shirt, were discoloured and still sopping wet. The jeans the sickly coral colour of bleached denim. He stumbled as he got out of the car, rubbing at his eyes and she could see some kind of light purple liquid on his cheeks. Her voice was so soft when it reached her ears, “Honey?”

He swiped at the purple liquid in his eyes and _Christ_ it was coming _from_ his _eyes_ , and grinned at her. He looked likely to run over when Joker put a hand on his shoulder and he stilled but his big eyes were still lit up. And they were breaking her heart. His big blue eyes were purple. Huge violet irises surrounded by bloodshot whites and weeping lilac tears.

She could feel her own eyes heating up. She turned to the Joker and she didn't know if she was furious or distraught when the broken words tore from her throat, “What did you _do_?”

“Harley, let me formally introduce the newest member of our gang, Marionette!” Joker’s grin was predatory even as Dick preened and Harley tipped over into fury.

“What were you _thinking_?! He's a fucking child! You could have killed him!” She shrieked.

Joker sneered at her, “Harley... you're going to make him think you don't want him as part of the family...”

She looked at him, and Joker was right. Of course he was. Dick’s smile was gone. He looked unsure and nervous. His breathing had sped up and he was wiping at his eyes more. He was scared. She crouched in front of him, forcing a smile, “Heya baby, how are you feeling?”

“A-are you mad at me?” his voice sounded off. Scratchy and garbled and like he was sick.

“No.” She cupped his face in both hands, swiped away the lilac tears and tried to ignore how they felt like bleach on her skin. “Never. I'm never mad at you, okay honey?” she brushed damp curls off his forehead, quietly hoping that the dark purple sheen in his hair was just residual chemicals and not another permanent change. “But how are you feeling?” she asked again.

“I'm good!” he chirped, then a beat later, “My eyes are still a little blurry and burny...” He shuffled his feet.

“Yeah, it can take a lot outta you. Tell you what, you go have a shower and rinse all the chemically-ness off, and get changed into your fluffiest pajamas, and then we’ll get pizza to celebrate, whatever you want, okay?” She was trying incredibly hard to keep the smile on her face for him but _god_ it was hard.

He looked up at Joker who smiled and inclined his head. Dick beamed at her. “Okay Harley!” He hugged her tightly and she closed her eyes against the smell and feel of the chemicals against her skin. He let her go and ran off, stumbling over boxes and props that scattered the floor on the way.

“Ain’t he cute?” Joker asked smiling fondly.

Harley whipped around, “What the _fuck_?!” She hissed at him. “He’s running into shit like he can’t even see! He’s a baby! What were you thinking? You could’ve killed him!”

He rolled his eyes, wandered past her and towards the kitchen. She followed. “Oh relax. He’s fine. Once he blinks the irritants out of his eyes he’ll see perfectly well.” He opened the fridge idly.

She slammed it shut again. “You don’t know that! What if this fucks him up for life! It could stunt his growth or-”

“Y’think? That’d make planning easier.” Joker hummed thoughtfully. Harley shrieked at him, flung a hand blindly to hit him but he caught it easily. “Calm down, Harley. I thought you’d be happy. You’re the one who’s always talking about how we need to spend more time as a family and go after Zucco, _and you’re_ the one who’s worried about him being hurt! This is a good thing!” He spun her around and pulled her into his chest, “He’ll practically bounce now!”

She tried to pull away but he held her tightly, “How come his skin’s the same? Yours and mine got bleached but Dick’s is the same as before and his eyes are fucked up.”

Joker pouted thoughtfully as he released her and reopened the fridge, “I guess they changed the formula. Ooh! Apple mango juice!”

Harley was shaking with rage as she gaped at him. “You didn’t _check_?!”

He stood up straight, face blank as he found a glass and filled it. “Harley… this is getting tiresome.”

“Who gives a shit! You could’ve killed my kid you asshole!”

Joker cocked his head to one side, “Yours?” His voice was low and Harley’s heart stuttered. She backed up slightly as he put his glass down and turned to face her. “Your kid?”

“Ours. Our kid.” She said softly.

Joker grabbed the glass and flung it past her. She flinch violently when it shattered. “Nothing here is yours! You hear me!” He stalked towards her and she backed up more.

“I hear you, Puddin’.”

“I do you a favour! I bring this kid into our gang, good and proper! Make him one of us! And all you can do is _nit-pick_!” He grabbed the front of her shirt, pulled her so close their noses touched. “ _Well_?”

She whimpered, “I’m sorry,” She said breathlessly.

Joker sneered at her for a moment before dropping her. “You’d better be.” He raised a hand to hit her, she flinched away and he chuckled. “You’d better go make sure that Marionette knows you’re glad he’s one of us now.”

Harley nodded, shooting off after Dick as Joker grumbled and got himself another glass of juice.

***

Dick kept scrubbing at his eyes, they were burning really badly still but Joker promised that it would go away. He could hear Harley trying not to shout at Joker and it made his stomach knot. She was upset that he’d jumped. Or that he’d ended up changed. She probably thought that Joker had pushed him, which wasn’t fair. He’d jumped on his own.

He just hoped that didn't mean she'd be mad at him when she found out.

He sniffled and swiped at his nose and it wrinkled at the smell of the chemicals. He picked his way to the bathroom, wishing he could see past the purple. And hoping Joker was right about it being temporary. He left his clothes on the tiles. He knew he should at least put them in the sink or something, they were so drenched in the chemicals but he didn’t have the energy. He stumbled into the shower and turned on the hot water, humming under his breath. He heard a glass smash from the kitchen and squeezed his still burning eyes shut tighter, and hummed louder. The water was finally warming up and he fidgeted blindly with the taps until it was comfortable.

The chemicals felt weird washing off his skin. Like it somehow left a slippery residue and dried his skin out by patches. He tilted his head back and let the spray hit him full in the face. He tried to let it flush out his eyes but it stung.

There was a knock at the door, “Dickybird? How’re you doing?”

He pulled his face out of the water and shook it, wiping at his slightly clearer eyes, “I’m okay.”

“Can I come in?” Harley called.

Dick let the water run over his hair, scrubbing at his scalp with his fingers, “Yeah. But I left my clothes on the floor, I’m sorry.”

The door opened as Harley slipped inside, “That’s okay, honey.” He heard her pick them up as he turned his face back into the water, “Dickybird, can you get you face away from there for a sec? I gotta turn the cold water on and I don’t want you to get hit by extra hot water.”

He did as he was asked, expelling air from his lungs and trying to blow the water off his face. “Okay. Why do you need the water?”

“I’m rinsing the shit out of your clothes. If we’re lucky they’ll look deliberately distressed and not just wrecked.” She hummed, as she turned the sink on.

Dick rested his head on the shower wall as he waited for her to finish, “Harley?” he heard her hum of acknowledgement and cleared his throat. “Are mad that I’m like you now?”

The tap turned off and he heard her shoes against the tile as they came to a stop on the other side of the curtain, “Dickybird, can you poke your head out for me?” He did so, and the water must have been helping because she was way less blurry than before. She smiled weakly, crouched in front of him, “I’m worried. Because I don’t know what that ace chemicals bath might do to you. I was a grown up when I went in. So was Joker. But chemicals can affect grown ups a whole lot differently to how they affect kids.” She scrunched a hand through his wet hair, “Like, me and Joker, the biggest change was out skin. And our hair, but,” she shrugged, “Your skin is the same as before right now, yeah?” He nodded and she wiped liquid that was probably still purple from under his eyes, “But your eyes got all weird and that can be scary because it’s different.”

“I’m okay. I can see better already so I think it’ll go away.” He said, trying to reassure her.

She smiled tiredly, “And that’s good baby, but it was a really big risk. And it was one that Joker didn’t discuss with me, so I’m a little upset with him. But I am not upset with you, okay?”

Dick chewed at the inside of his lip. He wanted to ask if she thought Joker had pushed him. But he was scared of the answer. “Okay.”

“You finish your shower, okay? And I’ll get you a big fluffy towel. Then pizza.” She kissed his forehead and he vanished back into the shower. He knew he needed to tell her that Joker didn’t make him jump. He’d been disappointed when Dick had hesitated but he’d seemed like he was going to accept it. It _had_ been his decision. But he didn’t want Harley to be mad at him. Or disappointed in him for not thinking it through. He chewed at his lip more as he wound himself up over it.

He shut off the water and shook out his hair before stepping out of the shower. Harley enveloped him in a huge fluffy towel immediately, grinning when she uncovered his face. She hummed thoughtfully when he didn’t match her energy, “Dickybird? You okay?”

He nodded. Fidgeted. “Harley? What if… what if Joker didn’t make me? What if I jumped?” Harley got a strange look on her face before she pulled him into a tight hug. He tried to turn his head to look at her but she was holding him too close, “Harley?”

She sniffled, “Sorry Dickybird.” She cleared her throat and pulled back. “You listen to me, okay? Joker is an adult and you’re a kid. Whether or not you jumped in, the fact you were there at all is on him, okay? I’m not upset with you for doing what he wanted you to do.”

“But he didn’t make me.” Dick protested weakly.

She smiled softly, wiped under his eyes with a corner of the towel, “But he would’ve been disappointed, right?” Dick didn’t answer and she nodded, “Yeah.” She rubbed at his hair with the towel, smiled gently at him, “Hey, you’re good, okay? Promise.”

He nodded, smiled back weakly, “Okay.”

She grinned, “Now, let’s get our fluffiest pj’s and order pizza. We’ll watch whatever you want, too, okay?”

He nodded again, “Yeah.” Harley grinned at him and he giggled.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyyyy, this chapter got... Long. And... Upsetting. We've got some violence and mürdër incoming, so... be advised

It seemed like Dick’s chemical bath hadn’t caused anything strange. His eyes stayed irritated for a few days and Harley would’ve been lying if she'd said she wasn't incredibly worried about it. But they'd cleared up and stopped weeping. His vision was fine and he’d returned to his bubbly excitable self.

Just now with violet irises, and deep purple curls instead of blue and brown.

For what it was worth, most of the time Dick seemed ecstatic about the new state of things. There has been a couple of bouts of late night, lilac tears as he panicked about what his parents would think and whether or not he'd betrayed their memories. And Harley held him close and reassured him and quietly asked the late John and Mary Grayson, wherever they were or if they even still were, to forgive her. He asked her to sing to him, like his mother used to. She didn't know any real lullabies but she did her best and they always seemed to work.

When morning came he was bright and warm and happy, and Harley took solace in the fact his smile hadn't changed a bit.

Joker had tasked her with coming up with a costume for him. She'd asked why and he'd shrugged and said she'd done well enough on her own, she'd do fine on Marionette's. Harley had immediately involved him, which probably wasn’t what Joker had had in mind but also fuck him, frankly. Dickybird deserved to have a say in his own outfit.

They’d ended up leaning a little closer to clown than either Joker or Harley’s costumes. With big white ruffles on the neckline and sleeves and belled pompoms on his shoes and hat. The rest of the costume was red and purple, to tie him in with both Harley and Joker. A tunic, split down the middle with solid red on one side and purple with red diagonal pinstripes on the other that was mirrored by his hat, and puffy knee length purple pants with slashes that showed through bright red. Topped off with white face paint, with black lips, a red dot on each cheek and a lens less black domino, just like Harley's. He honestly looked like a little renaissance tumbler. And Harley thought it was adorable.

Joker thought it was A Lot. But he acquiesced when he saw Dick in full costume and make up on his trapeze. Saying something about it actually being pretty dramatic, and how it looking more like some sort of porcelain clown doll makes sense when you think about his name. One of his best ideas, he’d said.

Harley had just rolled her eyes.

She and Dick were singing loudly and dancing around the kitchen, making an unholy mess as they attempted to make pancakes. There was flour on pretty much every surface and batter drips anywhere the batter had rested for more than thirty seconds. Also the chocolate chips had fallen over and scattered over the counter. Dick kept eating them and the blueberries at a two to one ratio with the ones that he put in the pancakes. He was trying to be sneaky about it and kept grinning when Harley caught him. She just grinned back rather than scold him. It was his birthday and Harley was determined to make it as good a day as she could. He swung himself up onto the bench and started tearing at the deformed first pancake. Harley raised an eyebrow at him, “Did you sit in the flour?”

He shrugged, “Probably. Want some?” He held out a pancake shred.

She took it, “Mhm. We make good pancakes, Dickybird.” She winked at him.

He giggled, “We do.”

“Harley! Marionette!” Joker called out.

“Kitchen!” Dick called as Harley flipped a pancake out and poured the next one.

Joker rounded the doorway, and grinned. “There’s the birthday boy!” He ruffled Dick’s hair and the he giggled again. Harley was surprised he’d remembered, honestly, but gift horses.

“Here I am!”

He curled an arm around her shoulders and kissed her temple, “Morning~ Everyone needs to get dressed, we’re having a day out!”

“Hey!” Harley waved the spatula in his face, “We’re making breakfast pancakes first. It’s a delicate operation and it cannot be rushed.”

He blinked at her, glanced around at the messy kitchen, “I can see how delicate it is.” He leant on the bench next to where Dick was swinging his feet idly, “Pancakes first, doctor’s orders.” He nodded.

“That’s right.” Harley flipped a pancake, and Dick laughed.

***

Dick front flipped the entire distance to the car, glad that Harley knew how to secure his hat to his curls so it didn’t even slip. The bells in his pompoms chimed happily when he stopped at the side of the car. Joker had told him to wear his costume, which meant they were going on some kind of caper and he was vibrating with nervous, excited energy. “Come on!” He called back to Joker and Harley.

“We’re coming! Hold your horses!” Harley called as she checked through her duffel bag. Joker laughed softly as he wandered over, Harley following seemingly satisfied with the contents of her bag. “Okay! You sure you’re ready baby?”

He nodded, “Yep! Where are we going though?” He asked as Joker slid into the back and Harley into the driver’s seat. He climbed into the front passenger seat. Harley raised an eyebrow at him and he got the feeling the only reason he wasn’t being banished to the back seat with Joker was because it was his birthday. He grinned at her and did his seatbelt up, pulling the duffel bag into his lap.

“That,” Joker leaned forward, “Is a surprise, Marionette. Don’t squeeze that too tight, there’s a tommy gun in there.” He nodded at the duffel bag and Dick’s eyes widened slightly.

“Oh.” He looked down at the bag. Joker leaned back and Harley started driving and Dick opened the zipper slightly. “No there’s not!” There were three handguns, Harley’s baseball bat, a juggling club, and a knife, but no tommy gun.

Joker laughed, “What if it’s invisible?”

He turned to peer around the seat at him, looking unimpressed.

He smiled, amused, “Alright, you win. There isn’t. Left here, Harley.”

“Yessir.” She hummed.

“Can't I at least have a hint?” Dick asked as Joker kept telling Harley directions.

“Nope~” He responded, sing-song.

“Not even a little one?” He peered around the seat with what he hoped were huge pleading eyes.

Joker just chuckled, “You’ll just have to wait the twenty or so minutes it’ll take to get there.”

Dick pouted and sat back in his seat. He took out the juggling club and fidgeted with it until the car stopped in an alley behind what looked like a fancy old fashioned bank.

“We’re here~” Joker grinned, as Harley got out of the car and opened the door for him. Dick climbed out and passed her the duffel bag back, minus the club he was still fiddling with.

Harley glanced sidelong at Joker, “Ain’t this the Maroni front bank? Y’don’t think this might be a bit… much? For his first time out? Maroni’s pretty protective of this joint.”

Dick frowned, “I can handle it Harley.”

Joker winked at her, “Yeah. Harley! Don’t be a buzzkill. I’ve got everything under control.” He crouched in front of Dick, “Now, Marionette. I need you to do exactly what I say, okay?” He grinned when Dick nodded and continued, “Good. Now, you use your monkey skills to get inside and somewhere high up and out of view in the main foyer. Don’t worry about security, they’ll be plenty distracted with us. Get somewhere with a good view of the whole room, especially the door, and wait there. Then, when I announce you, and only then,” He held up a finger and Dick nodded again, “Make the biggest most dramatic entrance you can, okay?” He grinned and Dick matched it.

“Okay Mister J.” He thought for a second, “Can I keep my club?”

Joker booped his nose, making him giggle, “We packed it just for you~ Now, off you go. And remember, wait for your introduction, alright?”

He nodded, “Yessir,” He found an exterior wall vent that looked like it could fit him and ran over. Before quickly running back to give Harley a hug. She squeezed back and he grinned before scrambling to climb up the wall. He really was fond of his new shoes. They were flexible enough that he felt like he could use his toes but still grippy and they felt like they’d last longer in the outside world than his old performance shoes. He held the club in his teeth and pried the vent cover off before vanishing inside. He could hear Harley and Joker’s voices but they were speaking too softly for him to make out so he just shimmied inside the vent.

It was cramped and uncomfortable but he could just see enough through the occasional grates he passed to make his way to the main room of the bank. he could see Harley and Joker through the thin metal. They’d already taken control of the entire situation. It was amazing. Scary, the way they seemed to be completely indifferent to the lives of the people in the bank. There were people who were on the ground, not moving. Dick didn’t know, couldn’t tell if they were alive. He pushed the grate free, and winced when it clanged against the little four inch wide ledge-y embellishment thin that ran most of the way around the room. But Joker was right, everyone was so distracted that none of them noticed when it hit that or the floor a few seconds later.

He wriggled forward and gripped the tiny ledge with his hands as he eased his feet out of the vent, the bells on his shoes chiming softly. He was very high, and had less than no safety equipment and he could feel the familiar pinch of anxious exhilaration in his stomach. He carefully lifted one hand to allow himself to tip one foot over to reach the ledge in a sort of half cartwheel and he let out a huff of air as he righted himself. He was facing the wall and carefully turned to he could see what was going on. Joker looked like he was waiting for something and Dick didn’t think that where he was standing was a good place to wait for anything. He traced the ledge around the room with his eyes and lit up when he realised that it linked up with the little awning thing that was over the front door. And that thing looked like it had enough room to sit on even. He steadily, carefully, made his way around the room to the point where he could clamber onto it. A couple of the hostages saw him, he thought, but Joker or Harley snapped something and their attention was drawn away from the high places just as quickly.

He plonked himself down cross-legged and fidgeted with his juggling club, watching Joker and Harley. Joker caught his eye and winked, but didn’t otherwise acknowledge him and Dick sighed softly, preparing to be very bored until whatever Joker’s signal was. He ran his fingers along the lines of the red and purple paint absently. He maybe should have gotten more information than he did. Though Harley didn’t seem to know what Joker was waiting for either. He told her to keep a lookout at the window but completely ignored her brief attempt at gaining clarification on who they were waiting for. Dick swung the club around idly before freezing and gingerly bringing it back down to his lap as he remembered not to bring attention to himself.

He was doing his best to sit still when he heard Harley call something but he didn’t hear what. The doors underneath him slammed open and he startled so badly he almost lost his balance. Scowling at himself he leaned over the edge to look at the three men who’d come in.

“Joker! The fuck do you think you’re doing here? You and Mister Maroni got a deal, remember?” Dick froze. He knew that voice. He would know that voice for the rest of time. That was _Zucco’s_ voice. He felt his hand tighten around the club, pushed down the sound of his parents screams and the bile in his throat.

Joker was grinning wickedly, “Ah, finally. Our guest of honour has arrived. Punch! Judy!”

The two men standing on either side of Zucco grabbed his arms, “Hey! Mike, Sal, what’re you doing? Hey!” They wrestled his arms behind his back before they spoke.

“Sorry, Tony.” One said, actually seeming contrite.

The other just shrugged as he tied Zucco’s wrists in place, “You fucked up.”

“Tony?!” Harley called from the window.

Joker rolled his eyes, “Lookout, dear, not peanut gallery.”

Dick heard her huff as she turned back to look out the glass.

“As I was saying, now that our guest of honour is here, we can start the real show! And let me tell you ladies and germs; It’s a special one!” He turned to the hostages, “You guys are really in for a treat! The debut performance of Gotham’s newest clown,” He was speaking slowly and loudly, announcing him. Dick unfroze, muscle memory born of life performing took over and he stood up, grinning widely, “Marionette!” Joker swept an arm up to Dick’s awning and he sprung off, tucked into his quadruple somersault and landed with a handspring, a backflip and two tumble rolls, before popping up and throwing his arms up like he’d landed on the platform in the centre ring.

Harley broke out into applause from her spot by the window before Joker gave her a look and she smiled weakly, “Right, right, lookout.”

Dick turned away from the hostages and felt rage tighten every muscle he had. “Zucco.”

“What?” He looked confused, freaked out, he had no idea who was in front of him. He struggled against the ties on his wrists. “I don't-"

The bells on his hat chimed softly as Joker rested a hand on his head, “Why don't you tell him who you are, Marionette?”

His hands were shaking, knuckles white around the club, “My name is Richard John Grayson. The last Flying Grayson.” Zucco’s eyes widened and he bared his teeth, “You killed my parents.”

“Listen, kid, I- it was nothing personal.” He glanced over his shoulder as Punch and Judy stepped away at a motion from Joker, “J-just a job, you know?”

The sound of wood on flesh was more of a crack than he expected. He was only vaguely aware of the feral scream that came from his throat. The only reason he didn’t think he’d imagined it was Joker’s soft shushing as he put a hand on his shoulder.

“Mister J!” Dick’s head twitched in Harley’s direction when she called but he didn’t- couldn’t look away from the little bit of blood in Zucco’s hairline. “Press is here! The cops won’t be far!”

Joker grinned, “About time! Thank you, Harley, be a dear and go get some cash and deposit boxes, would you?” He glanced at her when she hesitated, eyes trained on Dick, “Harley…”

“Yeah, right.” She nodded, but still hesitated moving towards the vault.

Dick felt Joker squeeze his shoulder, “I’ve got him, don’t worry.” He heard her cross the tiled floor and vanish somewhere behind him, Punch and Judy following her. Joker turned back to Zucco, “That sounded like it hurt! Did it hurt?”

Zucco looked between them, scared. “Listen, I didn’t- I’m sorry–”

“Sorry?” Joker asked, clearly amused, “Have you ever fallen fifty feet, Tony? You’ve got a second to think, you know? About the fact you’re about to die,” Joker let go of him and walked around Zucco idly, “About your poor little boy watching you fall,” He gestured to Dick, who’s eyes were stinging, filling with lilac, he blinked rapidly and held the club tighter. “About how much it’s going to hurt when you land,” He rested his hands on Zucco’s shoulder’s, shook him gently, “I mean, you broke every bone in their bodies! They were mangled!”

“I am. I am so sorry. Please.” Zucco was staring into his eyes, pleading. “Let me make it up to you. I’ll do anything.”

Dick cocked his head to one side, he could feel tears running freely down his face, it was probably messing up his make-up. He was struggling to care. “Can you bring them back?”

Zucco wavered, “W-what?”

“Can you,” Dick leaned close to his face, “Bring them back?”

He was sweating, swallowing rapidly. “Please–”

Joker jumped back as Dick swung his club backhand up into Zucco’s jaw. He swung it back down immediately, shouting. He waited for a moment, just breathing, but when he opened his mouth to speak all he could taste was rage to he hit him again before grinding out, “Then what the _fuck_ could you do for me?”

Joker clapped, practically giggling. “How about an eye for an eye? A mangled corpse for a mangled corpse.”

Dick finally looked away from Zucco, blinking at Joker. He was so angry. He wanted Zucco to die. He killed his parents. His family. Got him taken away from Haly’s. But was Dick going to do it? Did he want to do it himself? Could he? He closed his eyes. He could hear his parents screaming, see them falling. They’d screamed his name. He tried not to think about it usually, to pretend it had been wordless but it had been him they’d screamed for. His mother had reached for him, desperately, and he’d leaned out to try to grab her but there’d never been a chance. She’d started crying. They both had and his father tried to pull her into his chest before they’d hit. He could see how they’d broken, the blood staining the dirt in the centre of the ring. He could hear his own screaming.

His eyes snapped open, glaring at Zucco. The man blanched. He looked pathetic, sweaty and frightened and disgusting. He tipped his head to the side again, bells chiming softly, “How many people have you killed?”

“W-what?”

Dick snarled, and Joker chuckled, “I think he’s concussed,” He mused, “I’d say a lot though.”

He poked him with his club, pushing it into his chest as he spoke, “How. Many?”

“I don’t know. Please. I don’t–”

Dick sneered. Part of him wondered if this pathetic mess was worth the effort, but then he remembered his mother’s face and felt white hot rage tighten every line of his body again. He decided that he was worth it. For their sake.

He screamed in rage as he swung the club again and again. The thumps blended together and he could hear what he assumed was Joker goading him but he couldn’t discern the words. Zucco was still breathing. He was significantly bloodied, but he was still breathing and the club just wasn’t- right. He threw it aside with a frustrated yell and pulled at his hair. He startled when Joker’s hand appeared in front of his face. It was holding a knife and Dick stared at it for a moment before he took it. It was so very sharp and Zucco gave way beneath it like butter. Blood pooled on the tile, staying on the surface rather than seeping in like his parents had. He stabbed it into Zucco’s neck and pulled it out, screaming. He slumped over and Dick just stood, breathing hard.

“JOKER! WE HAVE THE BANK SURROUNDED!” the megaphone distorted voice startled him badly and he almost slipped on the blood at his feet.

Joker groaned, “Ugh, I forgot about the cops. Harley! Punch! Judy! Finish up, we’re leaving!”

“We’re coming, we’re coming!” Harley called, she bolted around the corner, Punch and Judy on her heels, “We’re …here…” She slowed when she saw Marionette. He looked down at himself, belatedly realising that he’d gotten blood all over his new costume. She shot Joker a dark look as she all but stormed over. Exhaling softly, she kneeled in front of him and gently took the knife from his hand.

“I’m sorry about my costume,” He murmured.

She shook her head, pulled a tissue from her sleeve and dabbed at his face gently, “No need, honey. It’s okay,” She tucked his hair behind his ears.

“Done doting?” Joker asked dryly.

She stood up, “How are we getting out?”

He raised an eyebrow, “Tetchy.” He turned to the men, “You two, I don’t actually care about. Tell Maroni thanks for his cooperation.” They looked at each other but Joker ignored them, “ _We_ are leaving out the front door.”

Harley frowned, “How? That was Gordon on the bullhorn, there’ll be cops swarming out there!”

He wagged a finger at her, “Oh ye of little faith. Marionette, come here.” Dick wandered over and Joker picked him up, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He hooked his hands over Joker’s arm automatically. He bounced him gently, making a pleased sound when he didn’t dislodge, “You good?”

“Yep~” Dick chirped.

“Good.” He pulled something out of his jacket and Dick felt something cold and metal against his head.

“Joker!” Harley shrieked.

“What?” The thing, Dick had to assume that it was a gun, vanished, “I’m not gonna fire.” Harley hit him in the shoulder, twice, “Ow, hey! Fine.” He did something with the gun that Dick couldn’t see and there was a clatter as something metal hit the ground. “Not even loaded.”

“You can’t point a _gun_ at our kid!”

“Oh relax, it’s not loaded. It’s just a bluff for Gordan.” He swung around and headed to the front door. Harley made an aggravated noise and hiked up the duffel bag before following. Joker cracked the door open, “Oh Lieutenant Gordan~”

“Joker, we don’t want any excess bloodshed.” Dick peered around Joker, Harley was right, he could see at least three, maybe four, cop cars outside, and a man in a coat with a moustache was speaking into a radio attached to a megaphone. “Why don’t you let the hostages go?”

“Well neither do I! In fact! We’re just about done here so if you could all let us get to our car, we’ll be out of your hair and you can all start on getting the poor unfortunates inside some crisis counselling or whatever it is you do after we leave.” He grinned.

“You know I can’t let you go, Joker.” Gordan sounded tired.

Joker sighed, “Pity.” He kicked open the door properly and stepped out, the now empty gun pressed to Dick’s head. A ripple of fury went through the cops and he leaned in close, “Play it up, kiddo.”

Dick started squirming, keeping his grip on Joker’s arm, but still looking convincing.

“Come on Joker, let the kid go.”

Joker narrowed his eyes, he jerked Dick sharply and he yelped. Harley scowled. “Make me.”

Gordon looked between the two adult clowns, “I think Harley might if you hurt him.”

Dick frowned slightly but Joker ignored the comment. “We’ve had a very productive and PG afternoon, so Harley and I are going to leave now, lieutenant. And Marionette is coming with us. Ta-ta~” He turned and ran towards their car. As he did, Harley cocked the other two handguns that had been in the duffel and started firing indiscriminately before bolting after them. Dick started laughing, and Joker joined in brightly whooping as they reached the car. He put Dick down and slid into the back of the car. Dick clambered into the front and Harley got in the driver’s seat.

“Buckle up. They’re definitely gonna chase us.” Harley said grimly. Joker waved her off, loading his handgun again, but Dick did his seatbelt up and Harley gave him a fond, slightly sad look before starting the car. “Hang on, boys.” The car roared out of the alley, and the sirens got lost in the sound of Joker’s laughter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is neither as long or as upsetting, so,  
> much more lighthearted

It came as a surprise only to Dick that killing Zucco did absolutely nothing to help his grief. He’d been so laser focussed on the bastard that now that he was gone, rather than dissipating, that laser focus was just pointing directly out into the aether. He was still so angry and so _so_ sad, only now he was also frustrated at himself because Zucco was _gone_ and that meant that his parents could _rest_ but _he_ still couldn’t. Because rather than ending anything, rather than being the final page in the story, Zucco’s death had torn up every chapter after his parents’ deaths in a raging fit.

The least surprised by all this was Harley. She’d figured out very early into knowing Dick that killing Zucco himself was going to be absolutely no help, and she was probably always going to be a little bit furious at Joker for setting him up to do it. She’d started out as a lot furious, and the moment her thoroughly exhausted baby had conked out she’d screamed at him for almost an hour.

Joker had tolerated her fit with varying levels of disinterest and amusement throughout. As far as he was concerned the entire caper had been a screaming success. They’d scored a tidy sum, Marionette was all the news had talked about for the rest of the week – with all sorts of experts waging in on it, – Dick had gotten the revenge he so desperately wanted, he’d sent a polite reminder to the organised crime bosses of Gotham that none of them were untouchable to him if he decided he wanted to fuck with them, and he’d circumvented any possibility of Harley undermining him in the kid’s mind by handling the entire thing without her and presenting it as a birthday gift.

He’d had the absolute hide to say that to her verbatim a few days after when she glared acidly at him after Dick broke a prop crate out of frustration at his own emotions, presenting it as a list of reason’s she shouldn’t be mad.

She elected to ignore him for the next three days.

So Joker had decided to go and annoy Batman instead, planning and implementing a caper that he really shouldn’t have tried on his own out of childish spite. Getting caught and tossed in Arkham as a result.

Harley had only found out because the tv was still set to a news channel from when Joker had been gloating over Marionette’s debut. She sank into the couch properly, “Ah _shit_.” She heard a soft jingling behind her and reached a hand out. Dick flipped over the couch and snuggled into her side.

His eyes widened, “Is that- he got caught?”

She curled an arm around him, “Yeah, baby. It happens sometimes.”

“What do we do now?” He looked up at her and she moved his hat to fidget with his hair.

She blew out her cheeks, “I’m gonna say we entertain ourselves for a bit.” She smirked at him, “We’ll bust him out for sure, but… not right away.”

He rested his head on her shoulder, “Won’t he get mad?”

Harley glanced at him, he shouldn’t have to be worried about making Joker mad. She kissed his hair and smirked, “Let him. What’s he gonna do? Pout some more?”

Dick raised an eyebrow, mumbled, “Take it out on you.”

Oh he definitely shouldn’t be worried about that. She shifted to look at his face, “Hey, Dickybird. Hey,” she smiled at him when he met her eyes, “Why’d you say that, honey?”

He pulled a face. “I’m not deaf, M- Harley.” He turned back to the tv, “I can hear him yelling and breaking things.”

Harley noted that hesitation. It would be a lie to say she wasn’t curious but it wasn’t the primary focus right now. She tucked a curl behind his ear, “Everyone fights, sometimes, baby.”

“My parents fought. About like, chores and stuff. But not like you and Joker.” He fidgeted idly, “It’s kind of scary. He’s so angry.”

She hummed softly, pulled him close and tucked his head under her chin. “Sometimes, yeah. We’ll let him cool his heels and remember how much he needs us. He’ll be so sorry for not appreciating us he’ll be grateful we came to get him at all. Promise.”

He made a sceptical noise, “Promise promise?”

Shifting his face to look at him she kissed his nose, “Swear on it.”

He snuggled into her, “If you’re sure. Can we watch something else?”

“Sure baby,” She tucked his head under her chin and switch the channel to some cartoons.

***

It was upsettingly early the next morning when Eddie’s voice pealed through the hideout. Harley groaned. Dick had been up with nightmares about blood and Zucco and the disappointed ghosts of his parents and it had taken ages to get him to sleep. He was still asleep, curled into her side, his stupid jingly hat still jammed on his head. She tugged him closer and threw an arm over her eyes, hoping Eddie would just go away.

He didn’t.

Instead he kept shouting as he made his way through the building until the growling that was building in the back of her throat erupted into a shout, “ALRIGHT NYGMA! CHRIST!” Dick jerked awake next to her and she winced, hugging him gently, “Sorry Dickybird, I shouldn’t’ve yelled.”

Eddie rapped on her door, “Harl? You decent?”

“Oh what do you care.” She said sullenly as he opened the door, “You know what time it is?”

“Eight thirty.” He said.

“Mornin’ mister Eddie.” Dick yawned, the bells on his hat chiming gently.

Eddie, leant against the doorway, shifting his stupid cane from side to side idly, “Harley, I am more common than my beatific counterpart, and multiply quickly when acted upon. What am I?”

She rolled her eyes as Dick poked his tongue out at him, “A bad idea.”

“You know what else is a bad idea, Harley?”

She sat up and raised an eyebrow at him, “Ignoring my little Angel when he’s being more polite than you’re physically capable of?”

“Good morning, Dick.” He said flatly.

He waved, hugged Harley, “Can I go make toast?”

She kissed his forehead, “Course baby, careful with the knife.”

He hoped of the bed, rolling his eyes, “It’s a butter knife, Harley,” he said squeezing past Eddie and vanishing down the hall.

“Still though!” she smiled, hummed as she stretched, “He's a good kid.”

“A good kid who killed a man last week! _Messily_ ,” he added, speaking slowly.

She made a sound in the back of her throat as she got up. “I know. Trust me, I am aware.”

His arms went wide, “So you wanna tell me what the fuck happened?”

Harley made her way over to her wardrobe, pulled out an outfit without paying any attention to it, “What do you think.”

“Joker. That’s obvious. But come on. I thought you were trying to keep him away from the kid!”

“Well obviously that didn’t fucking happen did it.” She snapped. She pulled her pyjama shirt off, Eddie scoffed as he looked away. “Trust me I am more pissed than you. Joker just- _took him_ while I was out to _Ace fucking Chemicals_ and just-” she stopped, exhaled pointedly. “And I didn't know about the Zucco thing until it was happening. And there's a reason Mister J was alone when he got caught. He can cool his heels for a bit while me and Dick regroup after all his bullshit.”

“You're still going to get him?!” Eddie pressed his forehead into his cane, “Harley...”

“Don't start with me, Eddie.” She brushed through her hair roughly.

“He's a monster, Harley! Take this as the opportunity it is and take the kid and run!”

“Don't. He's just- bad at kids. He can take the time to think and we'll sort it.”

The look Eddie gave her was completely and utterly flat. He opened his mouth and Harley put a hand in his face pushing past him.

He squawked and followed her to the kitchen. Dick was sitting on the counter curled around and shaking cinnamon sugar onto a piece of toast, with one already clamped between his teeth. Harley squidged his hat around on his hair and he giggled around his toast, taking a proper bite and not quite swallowing before talking, “Yours is in the toaster. I didn't know if Mister Eddie was staying for breakfast.”

“You eaten Eddie?” She hummed, getting out mugs to make them both a coffee.

“I’m fine.” He mumbled sitting down at the island, jumping when the toaster popped.

“Cinnamon?” Dick asked as he pulled the toast out.

“Yes please, Dickybird.” Harley kissed the side of his head, sliding a mug over to Eddie.

“Thanks, Harl.” He took a long sip. “I still think you’re being stupid.”

“Well, you’re not alone in that.” She hummed. Dick looked at her curiously, and she shrugged, “Grown up stuff.”

“Joker stuff.” Eddie murmured into his mug.

He made a small ‘oh’ sound and went back to his breakfast.

Eddie cocked his head to the side, “How come you’re not Clorox white?”

“Huh?”

Nygma ignored her glaring at him. “Joker looks like printer paper and Harley doesn’t have all that much more colour. But you do.”

He hummed, shaking cinnamon sugar onto the rapidly melting butter on Harley’s toast. “Joker said that the formula must’ve been different in my vat. And that’s why it made my eyes purple. And I cry purple too which was _meant_ to wear off but it didn’t.”

Eddie pulled a face at her, “He didn’t _check_ what was in the vat?”

She widened her eyes and pulled a taut smile.

“It’s okay. My vision was only weird for like a day and a half and then it went back to normal. And now I’m more durable.” He said and it was rounded with repetition. The repetition had been Joker’s as he’d said it over and over whenever Harley was annoyed about it, but still.

She wasn’t surprised when Eddie raised an eyebrow at her, “Has that been tested or is it an assumption?”

“Well it’s not like I deliberately get hurt just to see. But Joker and Harley are so?”

“Oh so it’s _got_ to be the same.” He said into his coffee, whining when Harley hit him in the shoulder.

“Dickybird, you finished your breakfast?” She asked, ignoring the man pouting at her across the island. She lifted him off the counter when he nodded, “Okay, go brush your teeth then, okay? Can’t smile if you get cavities.”

“Okay, Harley.” He hugged her tightly and she hugged him back before gently nudging him towards the hallway. He stopped in the doorway and turned back to them, “Mister Eddie you’re not allowed to leave before saying goodbye!”

Eddie held up three fingers idly, “Scout’s honour.”

Dick nodded satisfied and cartwheeled down the hall.

Eddie watched him go, “How’s the hat stay on?”

Harley shrugged, “It’s got hair clips in it. His hair’s probably a birds nest under there seeing’s as how he’s been wearing it pretty much since the Zucco thing.”

“And you’ve been letting him?”

She pulled a face, “It’s a hat, Nygma. Besides, he says the bells help ground him so,” a shrug.

“The eight year old said that.” He sounded sceptical.

She waved her toast in his face. “Nine year old, now. And not in those words.”

Eddie hummed.

There was an unholy wrenching noise from the front of the hideout, “QUINZEL!”

“Fuck. Ive.” Harley whispered.

Eddie winced, “She’s pissed at you.”

“No fucking shit!” She hissed.

“What was that?” Dick asked from the doorway, mouth still covered in toothpaste foam.

“We’re in the kitchen Ivy!” Eddie yelled, ducking away from Harley as she threw anything that came to hand at him.

“Wait Ivy? Poison Ivy?” Dick stared at her.

She paused in her assault, and Eddie ducked behind the child, folding himself almost in half, “Go finish your teeth, Dicky.”

“But–”

“Go.”

He groaned but eased away from Eddie and vanished back to the bathroom just as Ivy stormed into the kitchen.

“What. The FUCK. Were you thinking, Harl?” She demanded and the little potted succulent that Harley kept even though Joker snarled at it whenever he noticed it wiggled in time with her anger.

She smiled weakly, “Y’gonna have to be more specific, Red.”

“A child?! You brought a fucking _child_ into this shitshow?”

“Hey! It was better than leaving him with the state! They were gonna send him to Juvenile Hall, Ivy! For the crime of watching his parent’s get murdered! You know what that would’ve done to him?!”

Eddie sat on the ground in the doorway, apparently content to watch.

Ivy scoffed, “Oh, yeah. They definitely won’t send him to juvie now that he’s _murdered a man_.”

“You’re damn right they won’t.” Harley said firmly.

“And what about the inherent trauma of _living with Joker_? Of getting fucking _acid bathed_. You’re a psychologist for Christ sakes. You know that this kind of environment isn’t good for a kid!”

“I know that ninety percent likely he’d have ended up trafficked, or _dead_ if he’d gone into the system and at least here, he has a support system even if Joker’s being an asshole!”

Ivy let out a frustrated screaming sound. “Harley!”

She squared her shoulders, “Look. I know this mightn’t have been my best thought out plan. And I know I’ve gotten off to a rocky start on the keeping him safe front. But we’re in it now. And I would fucking die before I let anything else happen to him. Okay?”

Ivy watched her for a long moment, “Harley, you’re–” she inhaled slowly, “You’re my friend. I do not like watching you fuck up your life. I am warning you now, I will not watch you fuck up this kid’s.”

Harley sighed softly, “Yeah, okay. That’s fair.” She smiled weakly, “We good?”

Ivy shook her head slightly, looking into the middle distance. “The shit you get away with… Yeah. We’re good. I made my point.”

Eddie cleared his throat and both women looked at him. He smiled over Dick’s head. Harley hadn’t even noticed him come back. They must have been yelling louder than his bells. He was sitting in Eddie’s lap and he looked… somewhere between nervous and concerned. Eddie tipped his head to the side. “She’s still planning on going to get Joker. By the way.”

Ivy’s eyes widened at the same time as Harley’s narrowed. She inhaled deeply but the clown put a hand up in her face, “Maybe not in front of the baby, Red?”

She stalled, looking at Dick before glaring at Harley for another long moment. “This isn’t over.”

“I know, I know.” She waved her off. “Dickybird, come here?” He stood up and wandered over, so Harley could rest her hands on his shoulders, “You okay?”

“Are you?” He asked softly.

She cupped his cheek, running her thumbs over his cheeks gently, “Yeah. I’m good.”

He nodded, smiling slightly and Harley smiled back, spinning him around to face Ivy so her arms were crossed over his chest. “Well, at least you finally get to meet Ivy~”

He smiled widely, “Hi Miss Ivy, it’s nice to meet you.”

Ivy sighed, raised an eyebrow, “Just Ivy is fine kiddo.” She crouched in front of him. “Don’t let too much of the crazy rub off on you, yeah?” He giggled and she smiled.

“That was way more polite than when you met me!” Eddie shouted from his spot on the floor still.

“Well yeah! Miss Ivy’s _Miss Ivy_ , you’re just Mister Eddie. _And_ you were my babysitter so that automatically makes you lame.” He crossed his arms like that should’ve been obvious.

Ivy snorted as she stood. “Cause _that’s_ what makes Edward Nygma lame. For sure.”

Eddie squawked and Dick laughed and Harley got another mug out of the cupboard and started another round of coffees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psst - come hang out with me on twitter @demigenderbaby -


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, yes, hello, I am terribly sorry for being late with this. The real world has just decided fuck me i guess? Definitely that and not getting distracted with other WIPs...

Dick really liked Ivy. She was smart and had a fun sense of humour where the best bit was that you weren’t always sure if she was joking. His mom had been the same and his dad called her humour dry. Plus she’d wink at him when he got the joke. She hadn’t stayed long at the lair because she said it gave her the creeps. But she agreed to let Dick and Harley spend the day at her place instead. Eddie had teased her for caving when Dick asked, though, so he had to go entertain himself and wasn’t allowed to come.

Dick also really loved Ivy’s place. There were plants everywhere and they were absolutely huge. He was out of the car like a shot and halfway to climbing a liana covered tree before he heard Ivy and Harley both call after him to be careful. He’d hollered that he would be and proceeded to clamber all over Ivy’s plants for the rest of the day. It had taken more than a little coaxing and bribery to get him down from his newly found high places when it started getting closer to evening.

they spent a lot of time there for the next week and it was fantastic. Harley and Ivy were great and they both spent time with him, and there wasn’t any of the tension that there was at home with Joker. Dick loved every moment of it.

he bounced into the kitchen where Harley was pouring herself a coffee and hopped onto the counter, “Can we go to Ivy’s again?”

Harley smiled at him, and bopped one of the pom-poms on his hat, “Sorry, Dickybird. Ivy said she’s got some stuff to do today.”

“We won’t get in the way, though.” He mumbled.

She shook her head, “Nuh-uh. But~” she booped his nose, “We’ve got some hijinks tonight~”

His eyes widened, “Really?”

“Uh-huh.” She turned around to get some breakfast for them both.

He fidgeted, “Even though last time was…”

She spun back around and tucked his hair behind his ear, “This won’t be anything like that, okay? There’s a new display of jewels at the museum, and~ the showstopper is called the Harlequin Diamond! How neat is that! We’re gonna steal it.”

He took the toast she offered him and hummed, “Aren’t museums important for learning and stuff?” He hadn’t been to many, but he knew that schools used them for field trips and stuff.

Harley smiled warmly at him, leant on the bench. “Sometimes, yeah. But not this time. I mean, how much are you gonna learn from looking at a big ass rock? It’s insured anyways, so it won’t hurt the joint.”

He nodded, that made sense. Like you could look at how diamonds work but you probably don’t need a big fancy one to do that. “Promise, it’s gonna be different to last time?”

Her jaw shifted and she took a long drink of her coffee, “Last time wasn’t a hijinks. Last time was Joker on a power-trip. This is a proper heist and a chance to practice, okay?” She wrapped an arm around his shoulder in a one armed hug. “We’re gonna go over the plan a bunch before tonight too. Because it’s important that we all know what’s going on. Sound good?”

Dick nodded, “Okay, Harley~ Can we get McDonalds for dinner on the way?”

Harley chuckled, “Yeah, okay. But no pigging out. You’ll pull something.”

“Promise~”

***

The plan was going almost surprisingly well. Harley was especially happy with how well using Dickybird’s bells as a distraction was working out. A couple of the guards had been conked with what was probably more force than necessary, but they’d be fine. Bruce Wayne had a fucking charity fund for guards who got conked too hard by the Gotham Rogues, after all. And other than that, it was going pretty well. They’d cleared out all the smaller stuff without setting off any alarms, which Harley was very glad for. She’d given Dickybird one, supersedes all others, strict instruction. If Batman shows up, hide and stay out of it. If he caught Harley, he was to go straight to Ivy’s. She was fairly certain he’d follow said instruction, but she wasn’t super eager to check. Not setting off alarms was ideal. And now, all they had left was the guest star. 

It was fucking huge. Like stupidly big. Even cut and polished. It was just barely pink and absolutely gorgeous and Harley kinda wanted to stick it in her mouth. Which meant that Dick would be about the same way. Which, yep. When she glanced at the small jingling boy beside her he was about half a step away from pressing his nose into the glass. She chuckled, “Hang on, sweetie it’s probably pressure sensitive. We’re gonna need to be ready to run.”

“Quinn.”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fucking fuck. She’d triple checked that there wasn’t a silent alarm. How the _shit_? She turned around, pulled her bat out of her jewel bag before passing it to Dick and gently pushing at his shoulder. He hesitated, but ducked under the bag strap and took off at a run. Batman’s head turned, just slightly to follow him.

“How the fuck did you know we were here?” She asked sharply.

He looked back to her, “It’s named the Harlequin Diamond,” He said flatly. “Call it an educated guess.”

“You’re a bitch, you know that?” She glared.

“Call him back, Quinn. I’d rather we settle this peacefully.”

She swung at his head, it wasn’t surprising when he caught it, but she still growled, “I’m not letting you take him.” She slammed a foot into his stupid chest plate. He hadn’t been expecting that and he gave a bit. He grabbed her ankle and flipped her. She landed heavily.

“Harley-”

“Eat _shit_.” She swung at his knee. He swerved out of the way and she pressed forward. He threw a punch and she evaded. She aimed her bat at his shoulder and he caught it and wrenched it out of her grip. She yelled and he caught her jaw on the backhand.

“Leave her alone!” Shit. Dick. The yell was raw and his bells rang out clearly as he dropped from whatever perch he’d climbed to. It startled Batman and he jumped backward to avoid the tiny foot flying at him. Dick landed with a tumble, standing protectively in front of Harley.

“Dickybird, honey. Remember what I said, okay? Go.” She was trying to be both gentle but firm and she could feel the urgency bleeding into her voice.

He looked back at her for a second, then scowled at Batman, “I’m not letting him hurt you.”

She winced. She could feel Batman’s eyes on her beneath his stupid white lenses. “Baby, you promised you’d listen. I’ll be right behind you.”

“Wait, Richard-”

“Marionette.” He said coldly.

“Dicky.” She pleaded.

She saw his shoulder’s droop for a moment and he was gone, running and jumping back to wherever he was hiding out. Harley wasn’t dumb enough to think he’d left. She looked back at Batman, who was still watching where Dick had vanished. She landed a kick to his face. “Hey! Eyes on me!”

His head snapped back to face her properly and they started again in earnest.

She vaguely heard the thumping of cop boots and cursed inwardly. She needed to wrap this up. Finish this up, find Dick, fuck off and regroup at Ivy’s maybe. Or home, she guessed, but Ivy’s would be preferable.

She didn’t notice the sounds of the other scuffle. She didn’t hear Bullock’s voice. She didn’t notice the way Batman’s focus split. What she did hear was Dick’s scream.

“MOM!”

Harley’s stomach dropped. Her head whipped around to see Harvey fucking Bullock _man-handling_ her fucking kid and trying to get him out of the museum. She started to run in their direction but they vanished out the door and there were just- _so_ many cops in that direction. She whipped around to Batman. “ _You_. Are you fucking happy?” She screeched.

He didn’t answer. But he didn’t look happy. He reached for his belt and grappled away and Harley grabbed her bat from the floor and took off to where she’d stashed the car. She’d geared up to break into a museum. She was gonna need some bigger ordinance to get Dick back.

And she _was_ getting him back.

***

Harley drove the car halfway up the precinct steps, and took a little more than a little pleasure in watching pedestrians book it in the other direction. She grabbed her beanbag gun and belt of various ammo, ranging from less-than-lethals to quite a bit more-than-lethals, and kicked open the car door. She fired an, admittedly small, explosive into the doors and walked straight through the smoke and dust. “Oh Lieutenant Gor~don!”

“Put the gun down!” Some dumbass cop shouted from somewhere next to her. She grabbed a cartridge at random and fired it at him. Glitter exploded and the force threw the cop backwards into the wall.

“Gordon! Get the fuck out here!” She shouted at the ceiling, turning on the spot.

“Harley!” She whipped around to look at the cop standing in the doorway to the rest of the precinct.

She pulled a face. “Ethan Bennett?” She knew him from years ago. He was a friend of Bruce’s from high school and often got pulled into their shenanigans in undergrad. Or, she pulled him in so they could gang up on Bruce and make him lighten up a bit.

Bennett nodded, “Yeah.”

“The fuck is Gordon?” She hiked the beanbag gun up.

He looked incredibly uncomfortable, “He found out we used to be friends. He thinks you’re not gonna kill me.”

She snorted, “Hey, used to be? Fuckin’ rude.”

The unimpressed look on his face was definitely something she recognised from undergrad. “Tell me what we need to end this without you killing a cop, Harl.”

“My fucking kid, you asshole!” She glared.

He looked pained, “You know I can’t just give you back the kid you kidnapped, Harl.”

“Oh go to hell.”

“He’s safe here.” Ethan tried.

Emphasis on tried.

“Safe?! Ethan! He’s a little brown kid fielding a strong foreign accent and you’re gonna tell me he’s _safe_ in a GCP-fucking-D building!” she screamed. She was watching the few cops popping up over desks and in doorways. Taking note of how many and where.

“In Gordon’s building? Yeah, I am.”

She scoffed, fired a paint bomb at a cop who was trying to sneak up on her. Bright blue powder paint bloomed in the air and Ethan flinched. “Bullshit. One good apple doesn’t un-spoil the rest, Ethan. Neither does two.”

“Is he safe with Joker?”

Her head snapped to him, glaring. That was a low fucking blow and she expected it from Ivy and Eddie, but she hadn’t spoken to Ethan since Bruce took of jet setting. He had no right. “Joker’s in Arkham, if you hadn’t noticed.”

“For how long?” He almost looked sad. “I knew you once, Harl. No way would you have put a kid in the position he did at the bank. No way would you have soaked him in chemicals. I don't think you've changed that much.” She snarled and he ignored her, “But we both know that Joker won't stay in Arkham. We-”

Whatever else he was going to say was cut off by Harley shooting a pink paint bomb at a doorway filling with cops. “I’m running out of less-than-lethals here, Ethan. You wanna start guessing on what the next one’s gonna be? Cause I do.”

He winced, “Harl-”

“Unless the next thing out of your mouth is ‘Here's your kid, Harley, sorry for the delay,’ I’d start making bets.” Her voice was dangerous as she swung around to aim at him.

“Harley!” Gordon. When the fuck had Gordon gotten here.

“Where’s my kid, Lieutenant?”

He sighed, “Harley, I can’t–” The explosion of purple powder paint knocked him over as it cut him off. Ethan yelped and went to help him back up. Gordon waved him off the moment he was standing. He coughed and spat out purple, “Christ, is that powder paint? Ugh.” He coughed again, winced, “He’s in the fucking vents, Quinn.”

“He’s _what?!_ ” She let out a short frustrated scream. “You weren’t even _watching him_. You stole my fucking kid. And you weren’t even watching him. _Christ_.” She levelled the beanbag gun at Gordon again, “Give me one reason not to irrevocably fuck this joint.”

“Because we don’t know where in the vents he is?” Gordon suggested drily. “We’re looking for him now, okay?”

“You gonna give him back?” Because those two things were absolutely not related. And she was not leaving here without Dick. His chances of doing well had shrunk considerably now he’d been dunked and she didn’t trust Gotham city as far as she could throw any part of it.

Gordon paused in wiping the powder off his glasses, “I don’t really see how we can stop you from taking him.” He slipped them back onto his face and looked at her, “You know what I’m gonna say about Joker, Quinn. You’re better than–”

“You wanna get hit again, Gordon? Save it.” She said shortly.

Ethan rolled his eyes at her, “Let the clown rot in Arkham, Harl. For the kid’s sake.”

“Shut the fuck up, Ethan.” She shot back.

“Harley!” she dropped the beanbag gun just in time to catch Dick as he jumped at her, breaking away from the two cops he was standing with. One was Montoya, and the other was a young Asian woman who was trading looks with Ethan. She elected to ignore them, cradling Dick close.

“Oh, baby, baby. Are you okay? Did they hurt you?” She pulled back enough to look at him. His makeup was smudged by purple tear tracks but he seemed otherwise okay.

“I’m okay.” He said, hugging her tight again.

She kissed his hair, “This is why, okay? When I say run, you run. No hovering, no coming back, you _run_.”

He nodded, “I’m sorry.”

She softened, “It’s not your fault, baby. This whole thing went sideways. Come on.” She shifted her grip on him and picked up the gun, “We’re leaving.” She gave Gordon and his entourage a warning look. When none of them moved to stop them, and Gordon held a hand up slightly to stay the uniforms that were around them, she hiked Dick up on her hip and left.

She passed the car on the steps without stopping. Walked about half a block before deciding on one of the parked cars at random. She smashed the back passenger window with the butt of the beanbag gun and put Dick down to reach around and unlock the front. He’d climbed in and was reaching around to open the driver’s door when there was a soft phwumph behind her. She spun, gun raised. “Not tonight, B-man. I’m taking my kid home.”

Batman was silent, he tipped his head to look around her at Dick. She wasn’t about to take her eyes off him to check but she was reasonably sure her Dickybird was glaring at him. The Bat looked at her again for a long moment, before stepping into the darkness of an alleyway and out of sight. She glared after him, but rounded the car, climbed in, hotwired it quickly and took off towards home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what this self indulgent AU needs? More self indulgence! Ethan Bennett and his partner (Ellen Yin, who didn't get her proper into in this one) are from the 'The Batman (2004)' animated series and if you haven't seen it I really recommend it, at least the first two seasons. I love them a lot.
> 
> psst - come hang out with me on twitter @demigenderbaby -


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaahhhh, okay I very much did not mean to drop off the face of the earth like i did in november, I just? Life got hella stressful for a hot fucking minute, but I am hopefully back now! with luck everything should resume back to a normal posting rate in the coming week, and I am very sorry for the delay

Ivy flopped down onto the couch next to Dick and passed him a bowl of popcorn, “Okay, short stuff, what’re we watching?” He felt the padding on the back of the couch shift as she threw an arm over it watching him idly flick through the movies she had saved to her hard-drive. A lot of them were old movies. Like, super old movies. Black and white and silent films. She’d been surprised when she found out he liked old movies. He liked some new ones too, but he just thought the old ones were really cool.

And it was movie night. They’d started having at least one a week. Usually two, honestly. It was fun, even if Ive and Harley always asked a bunch of questions about the way things were portrayed and subtext and context and stuff. It was fun though, most of the time, to think about what made movies into what they were. And they liked it when he asked questions about it.

They liked it when he asked questions about a lot of things. Sometimes he’d ask if some sort of plot point was actually possible and Ivy would hum and ask what he thought, and how he’d try to make it possible. She liked it when he thought out his answer, even if she then explained why he was wrong in great detail. Dick liked her smile though, especially when she’d call Harley over and ask her about his plan. Then _they’d_ get in a discussion about it and it was _always_ fun to watch. He hummed, “Can we waaaatch…” he flicked back through the list. “The Lon Chaney Phantom movie?”

She raised an eyebrow and he blew out his cheeks at her, “It’s Lon Chaney!”

She snorted, “Okay, fine. Load it up. Harley!”

Dick knew that Harley had come over when her hand dropped onto his hat. “Sorry, sweethearts. I got a thing I need to do, I’m gonna miss tonight.”

He tipped his head back and pouted at her. “You said I could come on the next hijinks.”

She chuckled, “It ain’t a hijinks, baby. Just a stuff.”

“Harl…” Ivy said lowly, “It’d better not be what I think it is…”

She frowned, “It ain’t. Promise. I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Ivy narrowed her eyes suspiciously, “Sure.”

Dick held his arms up and she smiled and came around the couch to hug him tightly. “Promise you'll hurry?” he mumbled into her shoulder.

She squeezed him gently, “I promise, baby. You guys have fun, Okay?”

He nodded as she pulled back and kissed his forehead, “Okay~”

Ivy just hummed, waving slightly as Harley took her leave. She sighed when the door closed.

“Miss Ivy?” he asked quietly, she smiled softly when she glanced at him and he fidgeted with the remote, “What do you think she’s doing?”

Ivy's smile dropped and the looked back at the TV for a bit before answering. “I _think_ she's going to get that scumbag Joker out of Arkham. I’m _hoping_ I’m wrong.”

“Why?”

She looked at him again, he liked her eyes. They were too-green. A colour that eyes didn't come in humans. It made him feel a little better about his own impossible irises. One of her eyebrows arched up, “Why do you think?”

She did this a lot. Turning questions around. Critical thinking, and synthesising answers from the information you have available was more important than most things school taught, she said. He scowled, “You don't like him. Neither does mister Eddie. Cause he yells at Harley.”

She tipped her head, “Just yells?”

He fidgeted more. He knew the answer was no. He wasn't stupid. But he also knew that Harley didn't want him to know. She frowned all concerned when he brought up the yelling, and he didn't want to upset her more. Ivy was watching him patiently, she was very patient and never seemed to mind how long it took him to formulate his answers. He bit his lip, Harley wasn’t here. “No. He does more than yell at her.”

“What he does is abuse and he deserves worse than to be left where he is, but I'll take it if the pair of you are safe.” Ivy huffed.

He frowned slightly, “The pair of us?”

She glanced at him again, “Does he yell at you?”

Dick shrugged. He didn't really. Maybe sometimes? But not very often, and not like at Harley. “He mostly ignores me.”

Ivy raised her eyebrows slightly, “That's honestly not much better. And it's still bad for you to be in an environment where your primary caregiver is suffering from abuse.”

Dick hummed. She was probably right. And he _hated_ it when Joker got like that. He _hated_ the way Harley looked after the fighting had died down. He sighed, snuggled into the couch cushions. “I called her mom.”

Ivy turned to look at him properly, something that might be the start of a smile on her face, “Yeah? When?”

“When the fat cop grabbed me at the museum.” He hummed, “I was scared. I didn't mean to.”

It became more like a smile, “I don't think she would've minded.” He didn’t answer and she sat up a bit, “Do you?”

He shrugged. He had a mum. And she was perfect and wonderful. And she was gone. But Joker had said that they wouldn't be replacing his parents. But he'd called Harley mum. His eyes started singing and he sniffled.

“Shit.” Ivy reached for the box of tissues on the table and he grabbed a handful. “Hey, it's okay.”

“But- my mom's gone and-” His breath hitched.

“Ah, fuck. Kid, calling Harley mom doesn't mean you're saying she's better than your first mom, yeah? Lots of people end up with more parents than they started with, or different ones. It's not a reflection on their birth parents. You're parents loved you, that's great. They're not here now, and you've got Harley and _she_ loves you. You aren't swapping your dead mom for a cool knew one, you've just got two now.” He cried harder, burying his face him his tissues and Ivy swore again. A hesitant hand appeared on his back, “It’s up to you, though. Harley won't mind if you call her mom or Harley, for the rest of your life. And I'm pretty sure anyone as cool as you've told me Mary Grayson was would understand that you're calling Harley mom _in addition to_ her and not a opposed to, yeah? So don't stress. Don't force it, but don't freak out if it happens, okay?”

He looked up from the lilac stained tissues and at Ivy's stressed but sincere face. He bit his lip, “You mean it?”

A small smile, “Yeah, kid. I do.”

He nodded. Then nodded again to himself. He scrubbed at his face. “I'm sorry for crying on you. I know you don't like it.”

Ivy stretched idly, “Nah, you're like four. And Harl is way worse. You're good. Wanna start the movie?”

He nodded and hit play, snuggling back down again.

***

The movie was coming to it’s end with a truly bizarre and tonally dissonant chase scene that had Ivy and Dick in a deep discussion about the merits of focus groups, test audiences and studio interference in general (Ivy was arguing for artistic vision and Dick was pointing out that sometimes creators shoot themselves in the foot and retroactively ruin the whole thing by fucking up their ending because of sheer autocratic power trips), when the emergency alert came through on her phone. She frowned and grabbed it. Snarled, “I'm going to kill her.” Before slamming the phone down and moving to stalk around the apartment.

Dick grabbed the phone from the coffee table and read it out loud, “Arkham escape: Be on the lookout for the following fugitives. Jonathan Crane, Victor Fries, and... Joker...” He stared at it lamely. “But she said-”

“That lying little-!” Ivy was cut off by the phone ringing. Harley’s name taking over the screen.

He answered it and put it on speaker. “Ive I know what you're thinking but I swear to _god_ this wasn't me.”

Ivy barked out and angry laugh.

“Harley?” Dick asked quietly.

“Dickybird!” she sounded relieved, “You stay with Ivy, okay? You stay right there until I come get you, got it?”

“I got it.” He nodded.

Ivy snatched the phone or if his hands, “Why the _fuck_ should I believe this wasn't you? God _damnit_ Harley! You swore!”

“Would I have let Crane and Fries out? No. Look. I was... prepping to go get him, okay? But I was just getting ready. I'm still in planning stages.”

“Fuck you! That's a terrible defence!”

“Ivy! You can yell later, okay? Please just keep Dicky safe, it's gonna be hell out there tonight _and_ I gotta run damage control with Joker because I was _meant_ to get him out and I _didn't_.”

Ivy was seething. But she screwed her eyes shut and nodded. “Fine. But I'm still mad.”

“I know. Thank you. Dickybird?”

He kneeled on the couch looking over the back at where Ivy was standing with the phone in a white knuckle grip. “Yeah?”

“I love you, okay sweetie? Hang tight.”

He nodded again, “I love you too.”

“See you soon.” And with that she was gone and Ivy was very carefully controlling her breathing.

“ _Fuck_!” She let the phone drop to the ground and Dick flipped over the couch to stand next to her.

“Miss Ivy?”

She gave him a very terse smile, to let him know it wasn't him she was mad at. “This is not good, Dick.”

“We’ll be okay though. Won’t we?” he asked quietly. She sighed and he but his lip again. “I won't get to see you as much, will I?”

“Nope. And you can't let him know you've seen me as much as you have, okay?” she crouched down to his level.

“Cause Joker thinks you're a bad influence.” He mumbled.

Ivy scoffed, “He doesn’t like that I treat Harley like a person.” She watched him for a moment before standing and heading to the kitchen.

“Miss Ivy?”

“Wait there.” She called, rifling through cupboards, “I’ve had this for a couple of weeks. And I talked to Harley about it the other day... Ah! Here!” she came back with a vial of green liquid, “Here, drink this.”

He frowned at it, “What is it?”

“It'll make you immune to almost all plant based toxins and poisons.” She explained.

“Why?”

“Well, for one, I won't have to worry about accidentally poisoning you when you hug me. And two, I don't know when I'll see you next. And I am not rushing you getting caught up in one of my...” she pulled a face, “Schemes. And getting killed because you got hit by some spores of something.”

He blinked. He guessed that made sense. Ivy's plant attacks could end up pretty widespread sometimes. “What about Harley?”

“I gave her this years ago. She'll be fine.”

He nodded and took the vial, “it's not gonna...”

She smiled wryly. “No weird side effects. No unknown chemicals. It's perfectly safe and it only does what I want it to.”

He nodded again, took the cap off and wrinkled his nose. “Smells like medicine.”

She laughed, “Just drink it, okay?”

“Okay.” He chucked it back and swallowed it in one go, making a series of retching noises one it was gone. “That was gross!”

Ivy handed him a glass of chocolate milk, “And your chaser.”

He grinned as he took it. “Do I get a lollipop since it tasted like medicine?”

She narrowed her eyes, “Don't push it.”

He laughed brightly, cutting off when a siren started up outside. Then another, then another. Ivy went to look out the window and he followed her, nervous. “There's always sirens here, but this seems like a lot at once.”

She shrugged, “We've had worse. But this is your first Arkham break out isn't it?”

“Yeah,” he hummed, peering out the window. The city didn't look much different to normal, maybe there were a couple more orangey glows than normal.

“Well, you lucked out. Crane and Fries are both planners so they'll be lying low. Joker's, well. Joker. But he'll probably only go on a small spree. There'll be some looting and arson that people will try to pin on him because there always is, but nothing major. If anything, it'll take the heat off us for a bit while the Big Bad Bat tries to catch the other two before they can get their stupid plans off.” She moved away from the window. “Come on, let's put on another movie. Or you can try to convince me that test audiences are a good idea again.”

“Look I’m not saying for every movie! But look at the Avatar movie, that didn't have much studio stuff and it sucked. And the live action phantom movie with the phantom that can't sing. Same thing. Not even touching on TV shows again.” He crossed his arms and flopped back onto the couch.

“Uh-uh we’re talking about movies. Not TV.” She shook her head, “Let's watch the Vincent Price I am Legend, sound good?”

“Yeah!” he sat forward on his seat and Ivy smiled as she started it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psst - come hang out with me on twitter @demigenderbaby -


End file.
